


Ava

by MissChriss



Category: Glee
Genre: Family, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-14
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 02:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/592423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissChriss/pseuds/MissChriss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Noah take small steps to figuring out what being a family means.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Talk of a still-born birth at one point but mostly just some naughty language.

If you told Kurt Hummel that on the eve of his thirtieth birthday, he would be sitting in the William McKinley gym, waiting for the latest incarnation of New Directions to take the stage, he would have throat punched you.

The very thought of being anywhere near Lima, Ohio past graduation was something that made a one-way ticket to hell seem appealing. As far as anyone was concerned, Kurt Hummel was busting out the minute the diploma hit his palm.

But now sitting in the cramped gym with every other parent, looking uncomfortable on the orange plastic chairs, he knew that he was wrong. Looking up at the glowing girl on stage, watching the beautiful fourteen year old with her father's smile and her mother's eyes, Kurt knew there was nowhere else in the world he'd rather be.

**

Fourteen Years Earlier

She was lost in so many different ways, Out in the darkness with no guide.

From across the choir room Quinn watched life happen.

She saw the not-so-subtle glances between Brittney and Santana. She saw the way Finn brushes Mercedes' hand when he thinks no one is looking. She saw Rachel look longingly at Tina. She saw the way Matt's hand is always resting on the back of Mike's chair.

She watched people flirt with love. They walk right to the edge of it and hope like hell they stay upright enough to keep their balance. Fighting the pull and the want of falling. Then she saw the two that never tried to stop themselves.

She saw Puck's eyes dance as they skate over Kurt's animated features. She thinks she hears the words Columbus and Wicked between excited gasps. She saw a sparkle in Puck's eyes that she was never able to put there. A smile that was only ever meant for one person.

When she thinks of the nice couple that she met with the day before, something sharp hits her. She knows she can never be the one that brings Puck happiness but she couldn't stand the thought of her little girl never getting to see her father smile at her like that.

With a hand resting protectively over her pronounced bump, Quinn waddled over to Puck. When she saw the look of concern wrinkle his brow, she knew she made the right decision. He'll be a good dad.

“I'm not giving her to strangers. I want you in her life.” Quinn was proud of the fact she kept most of the quiver out of her voice.

The soft touch of Puck's fingers on the inside of her wrist almost makes her unravel. He's looking at her like he's grateful, like she's giving him something that he never had the right to ask for. It isn't until she saw the thankful look shining in Kurt's eyes that a tear finds its way down her cheek.

She stays until well after everyone else has gone. She saw the complicated dance of avoidance in everyone's steps. The frantic need to walk beside the one you love, but the want to put distance between you so no one else knows. But most importantly she saw the way Kurt's arm reached behind his back to grasp Puck's arm around his waist. She saw the play of pale white on olive, and feels comforted by the fact that two things so different can still go together.

Mr Schue graced her with one last sideways smile before heading out the door, leaving her in charge of turning off the lights. She sat in the hard-backed chair that bore witness to almost every important moment of her year.

Pain washed over her in short bursts. It had started during last period, and the softly rolling waves had transformed into crashing spasms. Everything in her screams that she never wants to leave the safe cocoon she's found here. The place where the soundproofing was more about keeping the hate out. Looking around the room, she saw her life in the drywall and her tears in the linoleum. Sunset painted the walls orange and she knew it was time to leave.

She took a final, wistful look around the first place that ever felt like home, and turns out the lights. The soft click of the door closing behind her is covered by her gasp as wetness paints the inside of her thighs and lands on the floor.

Her hand grazes the soft green door and she says goodbye. Everything in her knows that she's never coming back.

**

The darkness fills the room and mingles with their hushed whispers. Heated touches and roving hands telegraphed Puck's excitement.

“She's mine, Kurt. I'm actually going to see her lose her first tooth and graduate high school. I'll get to take her to Sarah's soccer games and be the guy that intimidates whoever she brings home.” Puck's voice seemed reverent and surprised.

“I know, baby. I'm so happy for you.” Kurt could feel Puck's smile against his stomach and raised his head to look at him when he feels Puck's chin quiver.

“I want to tell people about us. As soon as possible.”

“Are you sure? We don't have to change this right now. I'm okay.”

“Well, I'm not. I refuse to meet my daughter as a liar. On Monday, you and me are holding hands when we walk through the front door and we're kissing in the cafeteria during lunch. Got that?”

Kurt pulled Puck up by his wrist and buried his face into his neck. His warm breath tickled Puck's Adam's apple when Kurt whispered into his skin.

“Got it.”

Kurt still wears his smile as he sleeps.

The thick down comforter cocoons Puck and every inch of his body fights the force pulling him towards the light. Warmth swims in his veins and he reaches a searching hand to Kurt's side of the bed. When he meets nothing but cool sheets he shoots up to an upright position. His heart beating frantically, eyes searching wildly because of the unfamiliar feeling of waking up alone. It's only after a few calming breaths that his body can actually take in the sound of softly running water coming from the bathroom.

With a relieved sigh, Puck falls back into the warmth they had spent the night creating. Closing his eyes he reveled in the idea that waking up alone is a foreign notion to him. He can hardly even remember the nights of sneaking out before someone's husband or father got home. The loneliness of his twin bed and his Superman sheets used to suffocate him. Now, when he actually spends the night at home, they serve as a reminder of everything he had now.

Someone loves him. Kurt loves him. He loves him enough to tell his dad about them. Loves him enough to give him the space to be ready to come out to the world. Loves him enough to see the love Puck puts into every touch, in every kiss. Loves him enough to trust Puck's love despite the fact he's never been able to repeat the words.

He's pulled out of his thoughts by the sounds of Kurt selecting his wardrobe for the day and singing to himself. Through hooded eyes, Puck watches him. Follows his every move and maps the shadows that play on his back. Notices the small marks he left on Kurt's shoulders. The low slung pants were hanging precariously from his hips. Kurt's belly was softly expanding as he sang along with Beyonce.

You are my heaven on earth  
You are my hunger, my thirst  
I always hear this voice inside....  
Saying Ave Maria

Puck had to squeeze his eyes shut at the feeling that coursed through him. A powerful wave crashed over him and stole his breath. He was paralyzed by its intensity and he pushed his shoulders firmly into the bed as his fingers tightened on his thighs. It wasn't long before the feeling had passed and Puck could feel the bed shift under Kurt's weight. A warm hand ran down the side of his face and a strong thumb brushed his bottom lip.

The smell of Kurt's soft cologne filled his senses, and he felt the warm press of Kurt's lips against the corner of his mouth. Puck could feel Kurt's gaze on his features and it took everything in him not to pull the smaller boy into his arms. Long, slender fingers trailed over his collarbone and left heat in their wake.

Kurt's soft padded steps followed him upstairs and the quiet click of the door closing gave Puck permission to open his eyes. A sharp shuddering breath filled the basement and reverberated back to play off his skin. Nerves tingled under his skin and his body fought to understand what he was feeling. The purity of it brought tears to his eyes and the truth of it made him curl into himself.

It wasn't until the smell of bacon and the clang of cooking filtered downstairs that Puck realized what it was. It was the warmth that would spread through his chest when Kurt's laced his fingers with his. It was the spark that would shoot down his spine when Kurt would sing. It was the fleeting thoughts of forever that Puck wouldn't let himself dwell on. It was the one thing Puck thought he would never have.

It was love.

**

If anyone would have told Burt Hummel six months ago that he would have been okay with his son's mohawked boyfriend sitting down at his kitchen table for breakfast he would have given them a very intimate introduction to his shotgun.

Now though, Burt saw things a little bit differently. He saw the blush that rushes to Kurt's face whenever Puck is mentioned. He noticed the substantially smaller dry-cleaning bill. He saw the look he used to see on his wife's face play on Kurt's every morning.

He heard the soft honest tone in Kurt's voice when he whispers I love you into Puck's shoulder every time they leave each other. He saw the defeated slump of Kurt's shoulders when the words aren't repeated to him but he also saw that the words are on the tip of Puck's tongue. He knows what it's like to feel it with everything you are and not be able to say it.

He knows all this, and he still watches the intimate dance the two boys carry out in his kitchen every morning. The sideways glances and hands brushing. From his perch on the stairs Burt saw what love looked like and on the 98th day of him watching he saw what he's been waiting for since the first day.

Puck bounded up the stairs and Burt was taken aback by how much lighter the boy seemed. The planet of regret and guilt that always stayed firmly placed on his shoulders was gone. All at once he looked like the boy he never got to be and the man he was always meant to become. Pride welled in Burt as he saw the determined focus of Puck's steps.

Kurt's back was to the door but he still seemed to notice the minute Puck enters the room. Spinning around to greet him he found himself pinned to the stove and kissed within an inch of his life. Frantic hands groped at the thin white cotton of Puck's undershirt.

The thrill of wearing Puck's clothes is magnified by the groan that rumbles deep in Puck's chest when he smells his own scent on Kurt's neck. When Puck pulls away he felt the heat in his cheeks and tried desperately to swallow the small piece of bacon that was still in his mouth. Puck kept his pelvis pressed tightly against Kurt's hip and pulled back to look at him.

When Kurt is finally able to speak under the intense stare his voice is shaky and breathless.

“Wow. You must really love bacon.”

“No. You know I can't eat bacon.”

“Yes, you can. I only cook turkey bacon in this house. My dad is already doing his best to clog his arteries when he's at work. I won't let him do that here.”

Puck dipped down and grabbed a piece of the supposedly forbidden fruit. He gave Kurt a determined stare before he put the entire slice in his mouth in one go. A sinfully deep moan broke the silence, causing Kurt's face to flush a deeper shade of red. He's unsure if the noise came from himself or Puck.

Puck's eyes softened for a brief moment and he leans down to press a soft kiss in Kurt's cheek.

“I love you, you know that right?”

Kurt just nodded and turned back to the eggs that are just about to burn. When he heard Puck humming a Beyonce song he realized that his heartbeat was drowning out the rest of his senses, and that he's wasn't even mad about the fact he had a slight residue of bacon grease on his cheek.

When Kurt took his seat next to Puck he knew he couldn't let this pass without asking. His decaf English Breakfast tea seemed too sweet and it slid down, sitting heavy in his empty stomach. He mumbled his question and it made Puck's head shoot up.

“What was that, babe?”

“I said why now? After all this time, why say it now?”

“I think it all the time. I tell you in my head every day, but this morning I decided that the next time I wanted to say it I would. I'm done not being honest with you. I've wanted to tell you since our second date. Remember?” Puck said, softly, “ You yelled at the waitress for grabbing my ass when I got up to go to the bathroom. That's when I knew you were just as badass as me and you wouldn't take shit from anyone. I always loved that about you and you look so cute when you're righteously indignant.” Puck let out a little laugh before his eyes fell down to his plate and a soft smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Really? You've loved me that long?”

Puck reached across the table and brushed the small spot of grease away with the rough pad of his thumb.

“Of course, babe. What's not to love?”

Puck's thumb fell into the crease of Kurt's upturned lip and he knew that smile was enough to change the entire world.

**

Even though Burt had never been anything but awesome, the sound of him clearing his throat from the entrance of the kitchen made a sharp chill run down Puck's spine. Kurt's blush confirmed the fact that loving hands on Burt's baby boy was something he would have to be eased into. PDA was not something Puck had ever had to shy away from, but he respected them both enough to know that he could keep his hands to himself when the situation called for it.

When he pulled his fingers away from Kurt's mouth he made sure Kurt knew it wasn't rejection. The grateful smile told him the message was received loud and clear. The shimmer in Kurt's eye also told him that later he would be rewarded greatly for his chivalry.

After a slightly awkward breakfast, Phase One of Operation Homo-Explosion was well underway. A large part of Puck was rejoicing, but another part of him was pissed. Phase One apparently had nothing to do with him.

Saturday was meant for telling Mercedes about their little tryst. Kurt told him in no uncertain terms that if he valued his junk he would make sure he was elsewhere. Kurt's babygirl has claws and she was more than willing to use them. They had been lying to her for at least six months. If Kurt came out with his face intact he would truly believe in miracles.

That's why Puck had been banished to the small twin bed. Watching shadows play on his ceiling, a heavy worry settled in the pit of his stomach. He knew Kurt was going to be okay. His baby did have a flair for the dramatic. Quinn was a completely different story. He had seen the tightened strain on her face. Her small measured steps didn't fool him. She had also missed their Saturday mid-afternoon check-in call. In six months she had never missed that phone call. Puck watched as night's blackness took the room and fell into an uneasy sleep.

Quinn. It always came back to Quinn.

**


	2. Part 2

Head down, As I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground

A deep ache became her constant state of being. It was only punctuated by the shock that would reverberate through her every time the movement of the car shifted her too much. Her eyes were so fixated on the small bundle that she didn't even notice they had pulled in front of Puck's house.

The cab driver's voice boomed in the small car and she couldn't hide the slight jump of her shoulders. She mumbled something to him, and he helped her take the bassinet out of the back seat.

The short walk from the curb to the Puckerman's front door seemed like miles. Her left hand clenching wildly on the plastic handle. Her body straining under a weight that she had gladly carried for the past nine months. Now it was a weight that seemed so much heavier. Much too heavy for her to carry anymore.

She had heard the stories about the feelings you had after giving birth. Deep blue eyes bore into her and the rush of love she had been expecting to hit her never came.

Looking back, the scrape of plastic on cement and the tinny ring of the doorbell were the beginning of the end. She couldn't wait for him to answer. Her body protested against the jog she broke into. She wasn't sure if the tears were from the jarring pain of her feet hitting the pavement or the ache that built heavy in her chest. She had one foot in the cab when she heard the screen door opening. She could feel his eyes on her and she knew he hadn't noticed yet.

She laid her hand on her flat stomach and she fought the urge to vomit. She gave him a teary smile and winced as she fell into the seat. Delaware wouldn't be that bad. It was a chance at a fresh start, her only chance really. The glass was cool on her palm as she waved goodbye to him.

The last time Quinn Fabray laid eyes on Noah Puckerman was a sunny day and the calm wind played with her hair. Her face was tear-stained and red. His face was twisted in pain and shock. His eyes told her she had made the right decision. She was never the one that was meant to make him smile.

**

Sometimes love can come and pass you by, While you're busy making plans, Suddenly hit you, and then you realize, It's out of your hands.....

Through the thick fog of sleep, Puck heard the doorbell. In seconds he was stumbling towards the front door. Clad only in his boxers. He's silently cursing his little sister for not listening to his point of order during last week's family meeting, and still insisting that her shit needs to be left all over the floor. He is adding that to his new list of talking points for next week's meeting, and rubbing the bottom of his foot when he finally gets the door open. The bright sunlight made him squint and he wished he'd remembered his glasses. At first he can't see anyone and is about to run down the little punks that thought it would be funny to ring and dash.

The quiet idle from the curb stopped him in his tracks. He saw Quinn by the car and he can see her wince as she sits down. His brows furrowed and he felt anger course through him. Something was not right. He thought he saw tears and her waving goodbye.

All of the sudden he wished for the moment that digging a Polly Pocket doll out of his foot was his biggest problem.

The cement steps were warm on the bottoms of his feet and the wind brushing across his skin reminded him just how naked he was. He watched as the first girl he ever loved drove away from him. A quiet gurgle from below him made him squeak in a way he's glad Kurt wasn't there to hear.

It hit him all at once. That's her. That's his daughter. He was suddenly aware of how cold the wind was and the plastic was warm under his palm. He lifted the carrier easily and set it on the island in the kitchen. Glancing down, all he saw from this close was a mass of pink.

Sliding the thick black frames over his nose, he saw her come into focus. Her wide blue eyes are shining up at him, and he can see the dark wisps of hair peeking out from her pink hat. His large fingers showed him just how small she was. He glided his knuckles over her round cheeks and giggled softly as her little mouth fell open into a yawn.

The tidal wave washed over him again and his chest contracts. His gasping breaths don't seem to bother her though, because it's only a few minutes before her eyelids droop shut. Puck placed his hands on either side of her warm body and her heat radiated through his palms. He never knew love like this was possible. He's not sure how long he stands there just looking at her. It isn't until he heard his mom's heavy footsteps behind him that his bliss was broken.

“Noah, whose kid is that?”

“She's mine, Mama.”

His eyes are focused on his daughter. He blamed that for his slow reflexes. He really should have seen it coming. Her fist connected right under his cheekbone, and he was rocked back into the refrigerator. Shock stunned him into silence, and he choked on the fury he saw in her eyes.

Her wildly swinging arms rocket against the hard plastic behind her and he saw the carrier edge off the counter. Instinct propelled him forward and his hip forced her hard into the edge. His fingers barely grazed the handle and he knew how lucky he just got. He's thankful the plastic stayed rigid against his hard grip. He didn't look back as he slammed out the front door.

The wool seats of his pick-up rubbed relentlessly against his back and he could only make it a few blocks before he has to pull over. He fished a duffel bag from under the passenger’s seat. He remembered packing this bag. He'd done it right after he had made love to Kurt for the first time. He knew what forever felt like and he knew it was only a matter of time before his mom found out too. She wouldn't let him stay after she knew.

He remembered the bile that rose in his throat as he stashed it there. The shame of having to hide rushing through his veins. It wasn't until later that night, when Kurt bounded into that seat and kissed him, that Puck knew it was worth it. Kurt was worth everything.

The cool slide of jeans and the feel of smooth cotton of his undershirt made him feel more human. Even though it was his shirt, he could still smell Kurt in the fabric. Puck slid his hands under the small bundle. Pressing her to his chest, he could feel her warmth against him. His hands were unsteady and his whole body was shaking. He thanked a god he hadn't believed in for years that she managed to stay asleep the entire time. The tears that fall, land heavy on the pink blanket. Her sleepy eyes blinked open and she just stared at him.

Sitting in the empty parking lot of a Rite Aid, Noah Puckerman named his daughter.

**

Kurt was skipping happily around the kitchen. Chocolate Chip Celebration Pancakes are on the menu. He'd just said goodbye to Mercedes and managed to get off with just a light scolding. Well, that a full night of sharing all the gory details.

The happy chime of the doorbell matched his mood and he was smiling when he opened the door. Years from now he won't remember anything beyond his worry. The pain of that day will be a distant memory. A small blip of sadness in a life too full of happiness.

Now though, all he saw is the smear of blood on the back of Noah's hand and the crescent-shaped cut that lies under his cheek. As his hands framed Noah's face he could feel him trembling. He's surprised by the thick black frames that rest on the bridge of Noah's nose. Then he's just grateful that Noah still managed to surprise him.

It isn't until they're both inside that Kurt noticed the bassinet at Noah's side.

“Noah, what happened?”

“Quinn had the baby. Then she just bailed. Left her on my doorstep.”

Kurt led them to the couch and Puck set the carrier on the coffee table.

“My ma found out and sucker punched me. I'm sorry, Kurt. We didn't have anywhere else to go.”

“My dad and I already had a conversation about something like this happening. You always have a home here. Both of you do.”

The firm grip of Kurt's fingers flooded Puck with relief. The soft sound of crying made Puck pull his hand free of Kurt's. This time when he picked her up he was steady and he counted that as a win. She settled almost immediately. Puck could feel Kurt's knee bouncing against his.

“Is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah... um do you think... I mean.. would it be okay for me to hold her?”

Puck just smirked and handed her over. He chuckled softly to himself as he watched how delicate Kurt was with her. Kurt marveled at how someone so tiny could mean so much. His eyes were fixed on her small face, trying to see Noah in her features.

“What's her name?”

“Um.. Ava... Ava Maria Grace Puckerman.”

Kurt's head shot up and Puck just nodded that he heard him right.

“Well, hello there, little Ava.”

Puck watched as Kurt cooed over his little girl. He could practically see the moment he fell in love.

**

Fumbling with his house keys back into his pocket, Burt was unprepared for the scene that he walks into.

Kurt was softly singing to himself in the kitchen. That wasn't so much of a strange occurrence. What shocked Burt was that as Kurt traipsed through into the living room he saw the cotton towel draped over his shoulder. When he walked up to grab the bags out of his hands, Burt saw the shock of dark hair resting on that towel. His son's hand was strong and practically engulfed the tiny back. It reminded him of all the times, years ago, when he would come home from the garage to see Kurt with his little doll on his lap and his wife giving Kurt little lessons about how to feed her. With an assured hand, Kurt flounced back into the kitchen. Almost as if he didn't have a baby Burt has never seen before in his arms. Like that baby had been his for years. The only thing that gave him away was the slight look over Kurt's shoulder. The pleading stare he'd only ever seen once before on his son's face. Please accept this... Please accept me.

The thin plastic handles were digging deep in Burt's hands and the familiar feeling of blood rushing back to its rightful place gave him comfort. He was thankful that his parenting instincts seemed to apply to other wayward youths as well. The few months he's taken to get to know Noah Puckerman, he's learned a few interesting things.

Boys like Noah didn't get like that by mistake. There was something to be said for Nature vs. Nurture. Burt has lived the last sixteen years of his life trying not to judge people. Kurt was a lesson in tolerance he hadn't even known he'd needed. That didn't change the fact that Noah Puckerman stood in front of him as an example of poor parenting.

The way Noah couldn't roll his shoulders up to stand straight. The way a raised voice would make him flinch. The way he always watches Kurt walk away until the moment he can no longer make out his shadow in the distance, like it's going to be the last time he's ever going to see him. Burt can't help but wonder how many times that turned out to be true. Burt knew a good heart when he saw one and that was something Noah had. Kurt wouldn't be with him otherwise. He might have a nickel head but he's got a million dollar heart.

But when Kurt sat him down the night before and told him that Quinn was planning to keep the baby, Burt knew. He knew that Mrs Puckerman would not take kindly to the news of a non-Jewish grandchild. The Hummel household was about to get very interesting.

By the time Burt found his bearings, Kurt was already unpacking the bags. The small carrier was sitting on the island and Kurt had one eye on the baby. He thought his stealth ninja-ing had gotten pretty good over the last few months so he did give a girly little jump when Kurt started speaking to him.

His eyes were downcast and his hands were clasping a package of 0-3 months diapers.

“You knew.”

“Well, I wasn't sure but I thought it might play out like this.”

Kurt's voice quivered as his hand folded around a container of formula.

“What happens now? When we talked about this before it was only Noah. What would happen if his mom found out about us. But now there's Ava. Is it still okay for them to stay here?”

“Kurt, I made you a promise, didn't I? Anyone you love is welcome in this house and I can tell from a mile away that you already love that little girl. This is your home Kurt and now it's theirs too.”

Burt was unprepared for the force of the hug. The wind flew out of him and he was once again reminded of just how much his little boy had grown up. Hot, wet tears soaked through his flannel shirt and Burt could swear he felt thank you daddy against his neck.

After a few minutes, Kurt shook his head quickly against his chest and gave a loud sniffle. He gave a quick swipe of his hands over his face. Burt stared back in awe as he watched Kurt pulled himself back together. Except for the small amount of red in the corner of his eyes, you would never really know he was just crying.

Burt reached up into the top cupboard and pulls out the small box that went into the back of the cabinet almost a decade ago. Back in the day, his wife was a stickler for saving everything and collecting memories. The small box still had his wife's writing on the top lid. From behind his back he heard Kurt gasp.

“Dad, what's that?”

“Your mom wanted me to keep this for you when you had a baby. She always thought glass was better than plastic.”

Burt pulled out two glass baby bottles. One in light pink and the other in light blue. Kurt ran his fingers reverently over the colored glass.

“She packed them away herself. It was one of the last things she got ready before...” Burt's voice broke off and he coughed over the frog in his throat.

“Thanks, dad.”

Burt wrapped a comforting arm around Kurt's waist and Kurt's head rested softly on his shoulder. Without even think about it he pressed a firm kiss to the crown of Kurt's head. He finally realized how desperate Kurt was for comfort when he didn't even complain about Burt messing with his hair.

Puck stood frozen at the top of the stairs. The damp towel on his shoulders and water clinging to the back of his neck. Watching Burt being the man Kurt needed him to be made his heart constrict in his chest. His hands started to shake at his sides. For the first time, he doubted his ability to be a father.

**

The new bottles were boiling away on the stove when Puck managed to step into the kitchen. Burt could see the way his shoulders tensed as he approached him. Burt laid a strong hand on his shoulder and squeezed tightly.

“Congratulations, son. She's beautiful.”

“Did you maybe wanna hold her? Kurt was almost too scared to ask but if you want you can.”

Burt just nodded and made his way over to the little girl. His gaze locked with bright blue eyes that seemed almost familiar. If Kurt's hand seemed to overtake the baby Burt's completely engulfed her tiny frame.

“So this is the little one that's everyone made such a fuss about.”

The last time he'd held a baby all he felt was loss. Three years after Kurt was born they found out he was going to be a dad again. His little girl made it until the eighth month. Her cheeks never flushed pink and he never got to see the beginnings of a smile on her face. He always wondered if she had the same big blue eyes Kurt was born with.

The grief that filled him was quickly over taken by the squirmy mass in his arms. The slow, long blink and upturned mouth that he knew he would be able to make smile. Beside him, he could hear Kurt reading off the directions to the formula while Noah tried to follow along. Pride swelled in him as he saw Noah mix it right and Kurt remember to check the temperature on his wrist.

“Noah, have you fed her yet?” Wide, scared eyes told him no.

He motioned for Noah to follow him into the living room, stealing the cotton towel off of Kurt's shoulder as he went. Burt pulled him down into the rocking chair beside the loveseat and cradled Ava, showing Noah how to hold her properly. When Burt let go of the little girl he almost immediately missed the warmth.

“There, just like that. Keep her head steady and make sure there are no air bubbles.”

Burt noticed the shaking of Noah's hand but didn't say anything. He waited until he saw the first few strong pulls and Noah's head shot up in shocked wonder. When his eyes went to examine his daughter's face. Burt walked back into the kitchen where Kurt was trying to look busy. He grabbed Kurt in a one-armed hug.

“Ya did good, kid. Found yourself a good one.”

“I know. I'll think I'll keep him.”

Kurt giggled and Burt ruffled his hair. He knew everything was right in the world when he heard the protests and the frantic hands pushing the hair back into place.

**

Those blue eyes were staring into his soul. Her chin was moving wildly around the bottle and would break free of it ever once in awhile to catch her breath. In this moment he was changing the world, feeding her made her his for real. She was looking at him like she trusted him and the warmth that spread through him was indescribable.

He could only sit in awe of the fact that she was his. That without him she wouldn't exist. He would see himself in her expressions and her mannerisms. Within a few minutes she has the entire bottle drained. She definitely had his appetite.

Burt showed him how to burp her properly, and he didn't even gross out too much when she threw up a little onto his leg.

The dinner of pizza and chow mien was the calm kind of quiet he'd never experienced when he was a kid. Looking at Ava he felt confident in the fact that he could give her a lifetime of these. It wasn't until Burt was getting up from the table that the silence was broken.

“Noah, tomorrow we need to get some things sorted out. We need to go to the hospital to fill out the birth certificate and pick up some more essentials.”

Puck just nodded. He wasn't entirely sure what Burt was talking about but he could go along with it.

“Are you okay leaving Ava here with Kurt? We can't take her anywhere until we have a proper car seat.”

Burt watched as Kurt and Noah had a silent conversation with their eyes.

Noah, is that okay with you?  
Of course. Are you okay with it? You'd have to miss school. I don't want you to feel forced.  
I think my perfect attendance can handle one day. Why would I feel forced? Have you ever been able to talk me into any shenanigans?  
Well, there was that one time...  
Noah, kindly shut the fuck up!

The silence stretched for a bit and Noah clearing his throat reverberated through the kitchen.

“If Kurt's cool with it, I'm cool with it.”

Ava thought that would be a good time to scream at the top of her lungs. Fear shot through both the boys as Burt stayed back and smirked.

“What wrong, babygirl?”

“Holy shit, man. She's loud. Do you think she has to go to the hospital?”

“Noah, don't be ridiculous. All babies cry. All those terrible cliques are there for a reason.”

“No, babe. This doesn't sound right. I think she's dying.”

Burt just chuckled and threw the new pack of diapers at Puck.

“Yo, Mohawk. She just needs to be changed.”

“Oh.” Puck felt like he was about to pass out.

Puck laid Ava down on the living room floor on a blanket. He felt Burt's presence in the next room and found comfort in that. Well, he did until he pulled the small pink jumper off of Ava's body. His shriek was so shrill he thought that small dogs in the next county could probably hear him.

Ava was looking at him with wide scared eyes and Burt rushed into the living room like the hounds of hell were on his heels.

“What the fuck, Noah? What's wrong?”

All Puck could do was gesture to weird thing on Ava's stomach and he looked confused when he saw the deflation of Burt's shoulders. His baby was a weird kind of mutant. He stared at her hard trying to figure out if she had any visible superpowers.

“Kurt, grab me the rubbing alcohol.” Burt moved to kneel down beside Ava on the floor and changed her while Noah sat stone-still beside him.

“It's just what's left of the umbilical cord after it got cut. It'll fall off in a couple of weeks. But when Kurt comes back from the bathroom we'll put a bit of the rubbing alcohol around it. It'll dry it out faster.”

“So she's not gonna go all Carrie and kill us with her freaky superpower mind.”

“What?!? Have you ever even seen a baby before? Tomorrow we need to pick up some baby books. We wouldn't want you to try and give her a bath in washing machine.” Burt's incredulous voice made his cheeks flush.

By the time Kurt got back the color was back in Noah's cheeks and his breath was back to normal.

**

After another bottle, Ava's eyes fluttered shut and her head lulled into the crook of Puck's elbow. Burt helped Puck set up a makeshift bed for her downstairs and he watched her sleep as Kurt showered. He left his vigil when he heard the water turn off and he tried to pretend he was asleep.

Kurt kissed Ava's forehead before tucking himself in next to Puck. He placed his hand between Puck's shoulder blades and felt Puck give in to him. He flipped over and laced their fingers together. Their heads shared a pillow and their breath mingled as they talked.

“Are you okay, Noah?”

Puck nod made his forehead bump Kurt's. The darkness gave him a courage he didn't have under the warmth of the kitchen lights.

“You really think I can do this?”

“I know you can and, even when you think you can't, I'll be here to help you if you want.”

“I want. I definitely want.”

“Good. Looks like we got ourselves a plan.”

They shared a chaste kiss and fell asleep sharing the small amount of air between them.

**


	3. Part 3

The next morning found Kurt standing over Ava's carrier, wringing his hands. His dad and Noah had just left and Kurt was completely unprepared for fear that washed over him. Noah trusted him enough to leave his child with him. It was his job to make sure nothing happened to her. The fierce protective feeling caught him off guard. In that moment he was sure that he would die before he'd let anything happen to her.

His fingers itched at his sides and he tossed a quick look around his surroundings. He was waiting for the moment he was alone with her. Watching Noah feed Ava ignited a desire in him that he had never had before. Prepping the bottle made his hand shake. He folded her gently into the tender crook of his elbow and imagined all the kisses he had practiced there. The feeling of her soft, dark curls brushing that spot was infinitely better. Her wide eyes were looking at him searchingly, and her chin flexed wildly in anticipation.

Kurt was surprised at the force of the suck that followed. Pulling the bottle forward slightly in his grip. It isn't long before each pull got more lethargic, her eyes drooping lower and lower. Soon her dark eyelashes were fanned out across her rosy cheek and her mouth was drawing deep slow breaths. He's not sure how long he watched her sleep but he does know that when the doorbell rung, his arm was sore and his elbow ached. He set her in the carrier and draped his softest sweater over her. He knew it wasn't a baby blanket but they would have to make due for now.

The ringing of the door bell became incessant and he clenched his teeth in anger. God help anyone behind that door if they woke Ava. Mercedes had her fist raised ready to bang the door down, and the look Kurt shot her made her leave her fist hanging there. She felt slightly ridiculous standing there, but the look on his face told her that she shouldn't so much as move until he told her otherwise.

“Sadie, it's really not a good time. You should be at school. Can we do this later?” His voice was a tense, hushed whisper and she couldn't help but respond with the same tone.

“Baby, shit just got real. Quinn's gone. She left a note and peaced. She's in the wind and I think she's taking the baby with her. She kept rambling about a fresh start and a new family. We've got to find her. She can't take that baby away from Puck. If she thinks for one second I'm gonna let that happen I'm gonna have to cut a bitch.” Mercedes was frantic and her long fingernails were digging into the palm of her hand.

“While they are appreciated, the dramatics aren't necessary.”

Kurt opened the front door a bit wider and Mercedes could see the small purple bundle on the coffee table. Without thinking, she pushed her way into the living room and ran her fingers over the soft fabric covering Ava. Her gasp forced Kurt to meet her eyes.

“Baby, is this your Alexander McQueen?”

At Kurt's nod, Mercedes started to tear up. She was right. Shit just got real.

**

Mercedes was sipping on peppermint tea. The warm slide calmed her and soon enough she was finally able to find her voice.

“A note? She leaves a note and takes off on her daughter. What is she thinking?”

“Sadie, she's scared. She's doing what she thinks is right. I don't have to accept it and I definitely don't agree with it but it is what it is.”

“I mean, what the hell is in Delaware anyway? She thinks she can just write off her entire life here. Everyone that loves her, with a goddamn note. It's not fair.”

Kurt could see that not all of her vitriol is about little Ava. Her and Quinn had gotten close recently. It was one of the only reasons he and Noah were able to fly under her radar. Quinn leaving the way she did broke Mercedes' heart. They sat with their fingers locked staring at all they had left of the blonde girl that was responsible for equal amounts of pain and love.

“Kurt, what are you gonna do?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this is serious. What happens now? Are you and Puck going to play a happy little family now?”

“Mercedes, I told you how I felt about Noah last night. I really think he's it for me, you know.”

“But you're only seventeen. You shouldn't have to shoulder this. What about Broadway and our fabulous studio New York apartment. Does this change all of our plans?”

“Honestly, I don't know. Everything is happening so fast. On Friday, we were a secret that only my dad knew about. Today my dad is taking Noah to get his daughter's birth certificate. It's a lot to process.”

“Well, let me know what I can do to help.”

“Actually can you keep an eye on her while I grab some things from the attic? I have a plan but they're only going to be gone for a couple of hours.”

Mercedes just nodded her head and she could practically see the wheels turning.

The room still smells the same. The thin smell of her perfume still clung to the curtains and the small sewing table still had her fingerprints on it. Dust covered the window frame and Kurt felt remorse for stay away as long as he had. This was the kind of room life was supposed to happen in. With a deep breath he started one of the things he'd been avoiding since he was eight years old.

After two and half hours his mission is accomplished. His arms are sore and his skin is sticky with perspiration but looking at what he'd accomplished he was proud. He just hoped that Noah doesn't think he'd overstepped his bounds.

**

The tension made the air thick and Puck can't help but notice that this was the first time he'd been alone with Burt. The only thing filling the silence was the low hum of a classic rock station. For a minute he though he heard that John Mellencamp song Kurt sang, but it sounded so different that he knew he must be hearing things.

Pulling into a park spot, an audible gulp finally broke their deadlock. Looking at Burt across the seat he could see that he was glassy eyed. It was only then that he realized what hospitals meant to the Hummel's. To Puck it was always just the place him and Finn would hang out when Carole couldn't get a babysitter. To him hospitals meant wheelchair races and free jello, dusty break rooms and cute nurses. To Burt it meant antiseptic smells and pain. It meant death and soft voices delivering hard facts. It meant bloodstained scrubs and no goodbyes.

“Burt, I can do this on my own. I'll just catch the bus.” Everything in him wanted to add home to the end of that sentence, but the word won't unlatch from his throat. He doesn't know if the Hummel house is home. He felt like his idea of home could be pulled out from under him at anytime.

“No. It's okay. I got this.” Burt swiped his hand quickly over his face.

It was in those quiet moments that he saw where Kurt got his silent strength and quiet power.

The emergency room was swarming with people, considering how small Lima actually was. The sheer number of people milling around in the small waiting area made him worried about the night his Ava was born. Did Quinn have to sit in that room, in pain and waiting for help?

Burt was talking to the admittance nurse, and he was trying to get directions to the place they needed to be. Standing back, Puck couldn't help but notice the smell of blood. He could feel his stomach start to turn and almost lost his breakfast on the green linoleum. Through deep breaths he couldn't hear the commotion behind him until it was too late.

A strong forearm forced him back against the wall. The gurney stopped inches from him and the long monotone buzz of the machine next to the lady's head told him that something was wrong. The paramedic had left a bloody palm print on the front of Puck's shirt.

His ankle connected hard with Puck's abdomen as he swung his leg up to straddle the woman in front of him. Puck watched the rocking motions of CPR. The way her body jerked against the electric shock meant to restart her heart. The paramedic's sweat pooled on the tip of his nose and Puck didn't think he's ever seen anyone more invested in anything. Like if he couldn't get this woman's heart back the entire world will end.

He held his breath and waited for the man to give up. The steady buzz turned to an erratic beep. The blip blip blip was one of the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard. It drowns out the doctors moving in to do their job. It drowns out the snap of the paramedic's bloody gloves. The sound of boot falls was the only thing that pulled him out of his stupor. He grabbed the guy by the shoulder before he could make it to the door.

“Dude, that was fucking amazing.”

“Hmm, that's just another day at the office.” There's something in the guy's voice that betrayed his attempt at nonchalance.

“Sorry about the shirt, bro.” He said as he was leaving, giving Puck a backwards wave.

Burt's hand clapped down on his shoulder.

“You alright, Noah?”

“Yeah. I'm all good. Do you know where we need to go?”

Puck followed Burt to the elevators and only one thing kept running through his head the entire ride.

The guy that saved that lady had a mohawk and Puck thought he saw a dark flash of a tattoo peeking out from under his rolled up sleeve.

Years later, he would see that day as one that changed his life forever.

**

The little flashing light moved up until they were on the fifth floor.

“You ready, Noah?”

“Yeah. Hey Burt, why do you keep calling my Noah? It's always been Puck before. Sometimes Mohawk.”

“You're someone's father now. That commands a certain amount of respect. You're responsible for someone else's life now. It's time to grow up. Hell, I was The Hummer until Kurt was born. That changed real quick.”

They were a few steps from the desk of the obstetrics wing when he heard a familiar voice.

“Noah?”

“Carole, it's nice to see you.” His apprehension seeped into every word.

Burt turned around and his breath caught in his throat. He saw an angel in light pink scrubs and a feeling shot through him that he hadn't felt since he was sixteen, sitting outside on the bleachers watching Kurt's mother cheer. He watched slack-jawed as this woman wrapped Noah up like he belonged in her arms. Her whispered tones reached him despite her attempts to keep the conversation between the two of them.

“Quinn?” Noah just shook his head and Carole knew.

“Are you here to fill out the birth certificate?”

“Yeah. Burt said I had to get it taken care of right away.”

Then her gaze fell on the man standing awkwardly to Noah's right.

“Carole Hudson, this is Burt Hummel. He's my boyfriend's dad.”

If Carole was shocked by that news it didn't show in her face. Her grip was firm, soft and warm all at the same time. He hoped his rough hand wasn't too much of a contrast.

Burt stood back and watched as Noah filled out the paperwork.

“It just says Baby Puckerman. Where can I put her real name?”

“Just right there, Noah. We had to put that there because Quinn didn't want to name her. She said it was the adoptive parents that were going to do that. Where are the adoptive parents?”

“There never was any. Quinn said she was going to keep her.”

“So she's with you now? You're going to keep her?”

“Of course I am. She's mine.”

A bright smile broke out on Carole's face.

“Good. I'm glad to hear that.”

Over his shoulder Burt saw Noah signing the form. It was official. His daughter was named Ava Maria Grace Puckerman. A wave of emotion crashed over Burt and he pulled the boy into a bone-crushing hug. And when Noah felt Burt's tears on his neck, he didn't feel like he needed to mention it.

**


	4. Part 4

Two hours and twelve large shopping bags later Burt dropped Noah off outside the house. His voice was gruff and lilies were on the seat next to him. He didn't tell Noah where he was going, just that Kurt would know when he heard about the lilies.

Weighed down by bags he couldn't reach the doorknob. He knocked three times with his forehead and then just rests it there until he heard Kurt's soft foot falls. He saw the bags and crinkles up his nose.

“You went shopping without me.” Noah kissed the pout off of his face and went to pile all the bags into the living room.

“Noah, wait a minute. I have a place we can put all of that stuff.”

He motioned for Noah to follow him up the stairs and his anxiety built with every step. Noah didn't think that he'd ever been up past the main floor. The dark, wooden door was half closed over and soft music filtered out into the hallway. Kurt looked at him with an anxious look on his face.

“If this isn't okay, let me know and I can change it.” With that Kurt pushed his way into the dimly lit room.

Noah looked around the room in awe. The soft custard colored walls were warm and accented the furniture perfectly. A small changing table was set up by the window and a small crib lay against the wall directly across from it. A small mobile hung above the crib and even from a distance Noah could see the small pictures hanging from each string. He saw the pictures of everyone he loved spinning in the warm spring air. His breath was stolen and all he could do was run his hand over the deep cherry wood of the crib as he watched his daughter sleep. Kurt's hand crept up beside his and was tentative against him.

“Are you mad?”

Noah was still at a loss for words. All he could do was shake his head. Kurt's exhale was heavy on his neck and he couldn't help smiling as Kurt's slender fingers started to run across the wood.

“My dad made this. He must have spent months working on it in his free time.” Kurt's voice was reverent as he spoke.

“He made the rocking chair, too.”

“Really? Both in nine months. That's pretty impressive.”

“No. He made that when I was three. I spent hours with him in the garage. Mostly just playing with the tools and getting in the way. This was for Katrina.”

“Who’s that?”

“She's my little sister. I never got to see her but my dad said it was better that way. They encourage the parents to say goodbye but it's not really necessary for siblings.”

“Oh.”

Kurt slipped down to sit with his back against the bars. Noah sat beside him.

“This really is beautiful, Kurt. Thank you.”

Kurt's soft voice blended with the softer music and his eyes were half-lidded.

“You're welcome. It was my pleasure.”

They sat in a comfortable silence until Noah smirked.

“I got her outfits. Do you wanna see?”

Kurt slapped his upper arm lightly before digging into the first bag.

“Please, is Lady Gaga fierce?”

**  
After thirty minutes they were surrounded by Noah's choices. They were sitting cross-legged across from each other. Separating the day wear from sleepwear. Kurt was pretty impressed with the selections. He was happy to see that Noah's terrible fashion sense wouldn't be inflicted on Ava.

That was until he pulled out a hideous green jumper that he was pretty sure was meant to be worn in 1932 when clothes were just something that stopped you from being naked. It seriously rivaled any monstrosity Rachel Berry inflicted on the world. But this was worse somehow. Rachel had a choice in the matter. Ava was defenseless when it came to crimes against fashion.

“Absolutely not, Noah. No daughter of mine is going to be caught dead wearing this. You can forget it.”

He saw Noah's eyes light up and it took a minute to register what he'd just said. His loud gasp made Ava stir in the crib. His hand shot to his open mouth covering his shocked expression. Tears filled his eyes and panic filled his stomach.

“Oh my god, Noah, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's not my place. I'm sorry. Of course she's not mine.”

Noah stood to pick Ava up from the crib and held her close. Kurt's panicked glance following his every movement. He placed a light kiss on Ava's forehead and then he walked over to Kurt. He wrapped one arm tightly around his waist and pressed a similar kiss to Kurt's forehead as well.

“Babe, you have nothing to worry about. I kinda like the idea that it's not just her and me against the world. I like you thinking she's ours.”

Kurt kept his head pressed firmly against his chest until he realized how quiet the rest of the house was. Concern wrinkled his brow and Noah could feel the tension return to his shoulders.

“Noah, where's my dad?”

“I dunno. He didn't say where he was going.”

Kurt was silent for a minute and then his eyes softened and his shoulders sagged.

“Lilies. Did he have lilies?”

“Yeah, he made me pick some up at the hospital gift shop.”

Kurt sighed and rested his forehead against Noah for a second, before pulling his shoulders back with purpose.

“Okay. We need to order Chinese. Stat. He's definitely going to need it.”

Noah followed him down to the kitchen and watched as Kurt pulled four different take-out menus. Laying them out in a line, Kurt put his index finger to his bottom lip and studied them. He'd only really seen Kurt that serious when he was deciding on an outfit.

“How bad do you think it was?”

“What do you mean?”

“How big was the bouquet? Small, average or really big.”

“Um.. I think if I gave them to you, you would ask me what I did wrong.”

“Shit. So it was really, really big. Was he just more quiet then usual or did his voice break when he talked to you?”

“His voice got real gruff but that was it.”

“Did he spontaneously touch you? Squeeze your shoulder, pat you on the back or anything like that?”

“Yeah. He practically bear-hugged me. I thought he was going to squeeze the air out of my lungs.”

“Was it in the parking lot of the hospital, before you went in?”

“No, actually. He was mostly okay until the paperwork.”

“What about the paperwork?”

“He was fine until he saw Ava's full name.”

Kurt's face twisted up for a split second before grabbing the menu that was the least dogeared and thumbing through it.

“Looks like I have to pull out the big guns. China Dragon it is then.”

Watching Kurt press the buttons like they owed him money, Noah had to wonder just what the hell was going on. And why did Burt need so many apology lilies?

**

The crisp grass crunched under his boot heels. His cheeks turned pink the moment he crossed the threshold. The warmth that flowed through him on one side abandoned him on the other. The harsh weight of the place sat heavy on his shoulders, and he remembered why he only makes this trip once every few months.

The lilies were heavy in his hand and he wished he was stronger. That he didn't feel like he was about to collapse. Whenever Kurt came here there was a poise he carried himself with. He was always a bit envious of that power. The flowers he left the last time were still in pretty good shape. It had only been about three weeks since he'd stopped by. Their anniversary. This visit was going to be a bit longer than his average one. He had so much to tell her.

So he talked. He talked until his voice was hoarse and his words stopped flowing. He told her about the headstrong, damaged young boy their son had fallen for. He told her about the smart, capable man their son was becoming. He talked about pride and sadness and separation anxiety.

He talked about the woman he'd met that day. He talked about guilt mixing with his happiness. He asked for her forgiveness.

He talked about the little girl that sent his family into a tailspin. He talked about Katrina and loss and second chances. He talked about their son falling so fast and so hard. He talked about surety and how watching them together seemed so familiar.

He whispered about the part of him that mourned the grandchildren he thought he would never have. He told her that Ava inexplicably has the eyes Kurt had gotten from her side of the family. He talked about what family means. How he wondered if one stubborn, angry man and two brittle seventeen year old boys can be the kind of family that can raise a little girl. He wonders if it's okay to love someone so much so soon. Wonders how two people could have already given up the chance to love her. He talked until he felt her warmth. Until he knew she beside him and the tears on his face weren't wasted on cold, hard ground and even harder granite. He talked until the sun faded to a pale orange. He kisses the palm of his hand and pressed it into the deep grooves that spell out her name.

“Don't worry about our boy. I'll take care of him and his new little family.”

He looked back right before crossing the threshold. Looked back right before he had to return to a world where she isn't there. He said the same thing he always said when he says goodbye. It's the same thing he would whisper into her hair every single night of their marriage as she fell asleep in his arms. The night air carried his whisper and he thought he saw it play over the petals of the lilies resting with her.

“Goodnight, my beautiful Gracie.”

**

The house was quiet and the lights were muted. Puck could hear the sound of his heavy breath as he explored the Hummel's living room. Kurt was down in the shower and every inch of him wanted to be in there with him. This was his first real experience with denial of sexual gratification. He took comfort in the small, warm body cradled in his arms.

Actually taking the time to survey this living room was something Puck realized he should have done a long time ago. There were so many little things that didn't fit with the Hummel's life as he knew it. The ratty blanket that had a permanent place on the back of the sofa. The edges were faded yellow with age. The blue umbrella that had garish yellow ducks dancing across it and never left its place beside the door. The toothbrush with the pink handle, hard and stained a dark white just under the bristles. Burt's coffee mug crumbling from years of use, but the way Burt steadfastly refused to use anything else. There was only one reason Kurt would stand for these things to stay where they were. They belonged to someone who would never be back for them. White-knuckled hands grasping onto anything that might still hold her smell.

Ava seemed to sense his distress and she squirmed against his chest. Running a comforting finger down her cheek Puck looked across to the small collection of framed pictures. He saw Kurt in all his forms. The wide-eyed unfocused gaze of him when he was smaller than Ava. The look of joy on his face while his hands are thrown above his head in victory. He isn't sure how he knows but this is Kurt's first step. The one that led to the one that left the loud reverberation of a booted heel and the knowledge that that he was expected at the Hummel's front door at 7 pm sharp and not to forget a gift of some kind. A single flower that wasn't a rose was perfectly acceptable. The one that led to his sweaty palms rolling a single lily and his first real first date.

He saw the cake-smeared lips that pressed a sloppy kiss to the side of a beautiful woman's face. He saw the tap shoes and let's dress up as Dorthy day. He saw a smile that he hadn't seen before. He saw a boy that had never experienced pain. Then he saw a collection that had the smile he was more than used to seeing. The harsh, brittle smile that he now knew meant everything was not okay. The one he was always so intent to wipe off Kurt's face. The one that made his blood boil and propelled him towards the cafeteria to buy a slushie. It was the one he always thought was Kurt's I'm better than all of you. smile. Now he knew better. It was his you can't possibly make me any more broken than I already am but please don't try... Please. smile. He was surprised Burt let those pictures be taken or displayed.

His favorite picture had to be the grainy, a-little-too dark picture near the back. It was Burt with a ridiculous amount of flowing hair. His arm was protectively around the same woman that Kurt would later attack with cake kisses. Her hair looked slightly damp and clung softly to the nape of her neck. A small blue bundle was pressed firmly against her chest. This is what a family looked like. His fingers reached out to play across the warm glass and he whispered to Ava.

“See baby, this is your Grandma Hummel. I think you can see where Mommy got all his looks.”

Ava seemed to take comfort in the deep rumble she felt through his t-shirt. The gruff voice beside him scared the bejesus out of him, but Ava didn't seem to notice.

“Kurt did get my chin. You callin' my boy ‘mommy’ now?”

“Did it once and it bugged the shit out of him. He knows better than to give me that kind of ammunition.”

“Right.”

“Burt, I can change her name if you want. She can just be Ava Maria if you want. I just thought it'd be nice to give her a part of Kurt. Something that made her feel like his too.”

“No, Noah. Don't change it. My Gracie would have loved having a namesake as beautiful as she is.”

“Are you sure?”

“I'm sure. Besides Grace is a family name. It's only right to pass it down.”

Burt put his arm around Puck's shoulders and they just stood staring at the first picture of a family until the loud doorbell rings. Puck pulled away and headed to the door. He ignored the sideways look Burt threw at him and headed towards the kitchen with the food. Only stopping briefly to call downstairs to Kurt.

“Baby, the food's here. Get your sexy ass up here.” Puck smirked as Kurt's reply ascended up the stairs with him.

“Noah, what did I tell you about calling me ‘baby’? Never outside the bedroom. You know what that does to me.” Then he paused, flustered when he sees Burt standing by the kitchen archway. “Oh, Dad. I didn't know you were home. Is everything okay?”

“It's all good, Kurt. What's with all this food?”

“Oh. Well, Noah told me about the lilies and umm...” Kurt's voice trailed off and shy eyes fell to the ground. Burt went and gathered Kurt in his arms.

“Nothing to worry about. No nervous breakdown this time. But I won't say no to spicy shrimp. You did get the spicy shrimp, right?”

“Please. You think I would splurge on China Dragon and forget the shrimp. You raised me better than that.”

Kurt padded towards the bags and started to unpack the bags. As Burt watched Puck's fumbling to help one-handed and Kurt softly slapping his hands away, he couldn't help think about the first picture of his little family. Well that and he wishes he had a camera. He thinks Kurt would want one of his own.

**

Their quiet little moment was interrupted by the shrill ring of the doorbell. Burt went to answer it and heard Kurt call to him.

“Maybe it's the delivery guy. They forgot our fortune cookies.”

Burt just rolled his eyes. For a boy so concerned about his non-existent pear shaped hips and the small gathering of flesh on his otherwise taut stomach, Kurt could probably eat both of them out of house and home. He pulled the door open with a chuckle that caught in his throat when he saw the person on the other side of the door. She was out of the pink scrubs and dressed in light acid wash jeans paired with a denim vest. The Kurt that lived in his head screamed about the fashion faux-pas but Burt couldn't really hear that. All he heard was his heartbeat ringing loudly in his ears.

“Carole, what...?”

He saw her blush and she handed him a small plastic bag.

“I found these in your driveway. But I'm here to see Noah. I was also hoping to meet the fabulous specimen that actually got him to settle down. Finn tells me Kurt is quite something.”

“Of course. Come on in. We're just about to sit down to dinner.”

Carole's hands started to flail softly as she started to back away from the door.

“Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I'll just come back.”

She turned to leave and without thinking Burt lunged forward and grabbed her wrist. When the rough pad of his forefinger grazed the soft skin of the inside of her wrist, they both froze in a gasp. After a heated stare, Burt gave her the smile he hadn't given since his days as The Hummer.

“That was me inviting you to join us, silly girl.”

“Oh. Well thank you. That would be lovely.”

Burt led her towards the kitchen with a light hand on the small of her back. Kurt's voice sparkled in the soft lights of the kitchen.

“It seems our fortunes weren't lost after all.”

**

Carole doesn't even seem to register Kurt's words. Her eyes are fixed to the bundle in Puck's arms. Her hands clench at her sides and her fingers itched to inch forward. Puck seems to read what Carole was thinking and passed his daughter to the woman who practically raised him. His heart swelled when he saw Ava in Carole's arms and he swiped a tear from the corner of his eye when he thinks no one is looking.

“Oh my god, Noah. I remember when you were this small. You had the same curls. Just be thankful she didn't get your eyes. I don't think you were able to uncross them until you were almost three months old.”

Kurt giggled, bumping his shoulder against Puck's and offered Carole a seat at the table.

“Noah, I want to help. Anyway I can. A babysitter, moral support, a shoulder or a helpful ear. Anything. You've been like a son to me and I need to be able to help with her.”

“Well, I'm probably going to take some time off school. Work full time and try for my GED when she's a few years old. I think I've got it covered.”

“Absolutely not. Noah Puckerman, if you think for one second I'm going to let that happen you have another thing coming. You are graduating and going to college.”

“Carole, I can't. I need to be with Ava during the day. There's no one else.”

“Burt, I'm sorry for my language, but that's bullshit. I see three people here willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you and that baby have the life you deserve. Quit playing the victim here and accept the help we're offering. I'll take her in the mornings. I have the four to midnight shift at the hospital. Four on, four off. As long as you can be here by 3:30 when I drop her off you never have to worry about her during the day.”

Burt finally picks his jaw up off the table and chimes in.

“That shouldn't be a problem. I'm the 7-3 shift at the garage. I'll be here and that way you boys can stay in your extracurriculars. Colleges look at that kinda thing.”

Burt and Carole shared an authoritative nod. Just like that, it's decided. Puck was finally able to see a future that isn't about making ends meet and scrapping by. Living paycheck to paycheck just to give his daughter a better life. He squeezes Kurt's hand under the table and wonders how the hell he got so lucky.

The rest of the dinner was quiet and comforting. Kurt noticed that his dad kept sneaking glances at her and blushing. Puck noticed that Carole was wearing eyeshadow and lip gloss. He thinks the last time he saw her in makeup was when he was nine. Watching her mascaraed eyelashes flutter he knew that it wasn't for his benefit. He wondered if Kurt would mind Carole being around more. The smile playing on his face made Puck think he might be okay with that idea.

**

Ava's cries woke them at six am the next morning. They both pretended that they slept through the night. Kurt pretended that he didn't hear Puck sneaking up the stairs every hour on the hour and spending at least fifteen minutes just staring at Ava as she slept. Puck pretended that he didn't hear Kurt's soft footfalls padding up the stairs half an hour after Puck had just been up there. He pretended that he didn't hear the soft singing through the baby monitor. They pretended that sleep came easy for both of them. Because it's easier than admitting how scared they both are to leave her alone and the crushing weight of having to explain themselves had been hanging over them since the minute Quinn changed both of their lives. They both pretend they don't see the planets sitting on the other's shoulders or the dark circles under their eyes. It's easier to do that. Without a little pretend every once in awhile life might just become unbearable.

Kurt skipped his morning shower to give Ava her second bottle of the day. Carole came right after Puck changed her for the third time. They looked like she looked sixteen years ago. Bone tired, exhausted and in need of a nap but being forced to interact like normal people.

Kissed foreheads, reassuring hushes and a few shed tears passed quickly. The hum of the car engine played a kind of lullaby and Kurt almost felt himself falling into. They idled in the parking lot and Puck thought Kurt might actually have fallen asleep. Despite that, he couldn't keep it in anymore.

“We don't owe them explanations.”

Kurt voice was sleepy when he finally responded.

“Okay. We can just be. We're together and Ava's ours. End of discussion.” Kurt reached over the console and locked Puck into a pinkie swear.

“I love you.”

Kurt's smile was just as sleepy as his voice.

“I love you, too.”

**

Mercedes had taken it upon herself to act like the hardcore diva bitch she was. She schooled the rest of the club about what had happened, what it meant and just exactly how cool everyone needed to get about things. The added threat of Santana cutting a bitch if necessary was just a fun little bonus.

The people you expected to be dickheads were dickheads. The people you expected might be cool were kind of dickheads too. But the feeling of falling asleep with tightly interlocking fingers and watching their daughter develop a personality made up for a lot of it.

And for a little while they could coast on that feeling. The shaky, insomniac haze had begun to lift the moment Ava got over her severe bout of colic. Sleep came to them in longer intervals and life started to come into sharp focus. They probably could have stayed in their little bubble, hiding from reality.

But Puck had made a promise. He told Sarah that he'd be at her first soccer game. Cheering from the sidelines. For once in his life, he wanted to be the one that didn't let down the women in his life.

That's how he ended up where he was. That was how he almost lost it all.

**

Puck fought with the squirming pile of human that seemed intent on making him the latest man on the planet. Ava's yellow sundress was causing particular problems. The fact she just didn't want to wear it didn't help matters much. Her little face was red and her screeching cries were causing a migraine to settle behind his eyes.

“Babygirl, calm down. We need to get ready. Auntie Sarah is going to be excited to see you. Don't you want to meet her?”

The crying intensified until he had to walk away from the changing table and clamp his hands over his ears in an effort to calm down. That was how Kurt found him. Crouched in the corner, hiding from a three month old baby girl.

Puck hadn't even heard him come on the room until the cries softened and were replaced with hiccuping breaths and light singing.

I've been alone when I'm surrounded by friends  
How could the silence be so loud?  
But I still go home knowing that I've got you  
There's only us when the lights go down

From his spot in the corner, Puck could see that the yellow sundress was finally on her and Kurt had even managed to put the sunflower hair clip in. He walked behind Kurt and wrapped a tight arm around his waist, resting his chin on the softest part of his shoulder.

“How'd you get so awesome?”

Kurt leaned into the embrace and his soft belly swelled under Puck's hand.

“We were born this way, baby.”

A quiet giggle broke the silence and they both started in shock. Her first giggle. It was quickly filed away with the first time she could hold her head up on her own, the first time she rolled onto her stomach and her first smile. All of them carefully cataloged for easy recounting when she was old enough to care or be embarrassed about that kind of thing. Kurt had a feeling this was going to one of her favorites. Laughing after she had her father cowering in fear over a crying baby.

“Looks like someone's ready for their daddy/daughter day.”

Kurt carefully slipped Ava into the Papoose thing Carole bought them and slid the straps over Puck's arms. The sun was bright and it made Ava's soft skin turn pink almost immediately. Kurt pulled a floppy, cotton hat out of the diaper bag. Blue elephants didn't really go with a yellow dress but he figured he could let one fashion disaster slide in the name of safety.

The playground was full of laughing children, and Puck noticed the wistful smile on Kurt's face. He also noticed that the usually perfectly coiffed head of hair was askew. The thought made his brow furrow, but the shout from across the parking lot pulled his attention. Mercedes was there for their shopping trip. With a kiss and a flounce, Puck and Ava were alone to brave the soccer moms.

Sarah was put on lead striker and it was position she was well suited for. Ava's eyes were darting from one side to the other as she tried to take in all the new stimuli. He was simultaneously the proud big brother and the annoyingly-in-love father. In that moment he didn't think his life could get any better. Then he heard it. Heard them. The harsh whispers of people gossiping.

“That's the Puckerman boy. Seventeen and already a father. Bad enough in the best of times but can you imagine with a father like he had. Plus raised by queers on top of it.”

“I know. I thought for sure we were gonna get rid of that little Hummel fag after graduation. Now it looks like he's gonna be a Lima Loser just like the rest of that family.”

Puck clenched his fists at his side and took deep shuddering breaths. He was about to pull a completely irresponsible move and rip those bitches heads off. But then he saw Sarah running across the field towards him. By the time he got home, his blood had been cooled by two of his favorite girls in the world and his face was sticky from Sarah's fingers. What the hell was with all the orange slices at soccer games?

**

Puck had just put Ava down for her afternoon nap and was wandering aimlessly around the house. It was the first time the house was empty in almost three months. Burt and Carole were 'having a summit about future plans' at the Hudson house. Kurt was spending the day easing Mercedes fears about them becoming an old married couple who didn't have friends that weren't each other. Grabbing the mail off the side table, Puck headed downstairs to rock some X-box. It had been awhile since he could lose himself in boyland.

Four games of Madden, six failed GTA missions and an ill-fated attempt to play one of Kurt's RPG games left Puck feeling bored. He decided to waste some time with a long shower/jerk session.

For that twenty minutes he didn't hear those words. The ones he'd been secretly telling himself for months. That he was holding Kurt back from how his life could be. For twenty minutes all he knew was hot water and the image of Kurt joining him in the shower. Of course, like all good things in his life, it wouldn't last.

Stepping out of the shower, Puck was hit by what was missing on Kurt's vanity. Six small bottles lined the back and that was it. It was a stark contrast to just four months before, when Kurt would host spa days with what was on that vanity. The sight of that made Puck look at the room with new eyes.

That's when he saw what he'd turned Kurt into. He remembered that Kurt had left the house with his hair in disarray. He saw the closet of clothing that had stopped multiplying. He saw the baby pictures that had replaced his shrine to Lady Gaga. He saw the Calvin Klein jeans thrown haphazardly across the back of a chair. He saw the Marc Jacobs shirt that held the distinct odor of baby puke and a stain to match. He saw the toy littered white carpet. He saw the grape juice stain that wouldn't come out. But most importantly, he saw the thick envelope that had Kurt's name on it. The one from Ohio State.

He couldn't be the one to ruin Kurt. He couldn't do to Kurt what his father had done to his mother. He couldn't be what Kurt grew to resent. Looking around, he tried desperately to remember what Burt had bought for them and what had been from Carole. The duffel bag fisted in his hand made him feel like a thief.

Thirty minutes later, Kurt walked into the basement with his hands full of stuff from the Disney Store. All he saw was the shambles that was his bedroom. All he felt was an empty house and a broken heart.

**

Over the past three months, Burt had become accustomed to a loud house. A baby with colic, two teenagers and a gaggle of cooing girls spending hours playing house with little Ava. The sound of the front door opening and bumping against the wall echoed loudly in the quiet house. He couldn't remember the last time a silence like this one hung over the house.

He took a few cautious steps inside and it was then that he saw the blanket missing from the back of the couch. A shot of dread ran through him and he rocketed up the stairs to Ava's room. By the hunch of Kurt's shoulders he knew something was very wrong.

Kurt didn't seem to register the fact he had entered the room. He was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room, slightly rocking back and forth. Burt got down on one knee beside him and placed his hand between Kurt's shoulder blades. That's when he saw the scrap of fabric. It was the first jumper Ava was brought home in. She had long outgrown it but Kurt seemed to inherit his mother's desire to collect every memory he could. It broke his heart to see the longing way Kurt's fingers ran over the cloth.

“He's gone, Dad. He took her and he left me.” The soft, brittle voice makes him want to find Puckerman and give him something to cry about.

“Did he say why?”

“Nothing. I got home and they were gone.”

“Maybe they just went to visit someone.”

“No. I knew something was wrong when I kissed Noah goodbye this afternoon. He's not coming back.”

Burt tries to reign in his fury but he can't seem to control his breathing. After a silence that stretched for an eternity, Kurt spoke again.

“Can you just give me some time alone?”

“Of course, kid. Let me know what I can do.”

Burt left Kurt sitting on the floor of his wife's old sewing room. He was in the same position Burt spent hours in. In that very room, watching the sun set out the small window, mourning the loss of someone he loved. The sobs he heard down the hallway broke his heart, but he knew from experience that there is nothing he could say that will make this any better.

Just after ten, Burt watched as Kurt slinks downstairs. He saw his hanging head and his tear-stained face. The father in him screams that he has to fix this. The man in him knows it's not his place.

**

When Kurt stomped up the stairs at seven the next morning, Burt was half way through preparing a bottle that he hadn't realized he didn't need. Kurt was dressed in a way Burt hasn't seen since before Puck became Noah and they became a family. Without even acknowledging Burt's presence he began to pace the kitchen floor.

“I need to find them. Where could they go? I know they're not at Noah's house. He would never bring Ava there. Mercedes would have called me. I know that for sure. Maybe he's sleeping in the truck. Oh my god, Dad. Do you think they're sleeping in the truck? I swear if he thinks he's going to get away with that he has another thing coming. I'll kick his ass. I don't care how badass he thinks he is.”

All of a sudden, Kurt turned on his heel and fixed Burt with a hard gaze. It only then that he noticed the guilty look on his face and his pursed lips.

“Dad, do you know where they are?”

Burt could only nod his head.

“Where are they? Where's my family?”

“Carole called after you went to sleep last night. They're safe.”

Burt hadn't even gotten past Carole before Kurt was racing out the door.

**

There was a small part of Kurt that felt bad about knocking so early but it felt good to knock on the door like he's ready to take it off the hinges. Rage pooled in his stomach and he let it overtake him because it hurt too much to feel anything else. He wasn't sure who the hell Noah thought he was. That Kurt would let him walk away with his family and he wouldn't even have to explain himself.

Puck answered the door in his pajamas and with sleep in his eyes. He saw the Kurt he made go away and he knew that he did the right thing by leaving. The dark sunglasses and tight lipped smile remind him of the life Kurt had before he came and ruined it.

“What are you doing here, Kurt?”

“The real question is, what are you doing here, Noah?”

“I'm doing what's best for you. I'm letting you go for your own good. I refuse to be the person you resent. I won't hold you back anymore.”

“You honestly think you're holding me back. Don't you get it, Noah? You gave me my life. You gave me everything I've ever dreamed of.”

“Bullshit. You can't stand there and pretend you wanted to be saddled with a kid that isn't yours when you're seventeen.”

“Fuck you, Noah.” Kurt hissed. “You don't get to say she's not mine. Who spent the first three weeks of her life changing her every time because you were scared of her umbilical cord? Who spent just as many nights pacing the floor with her because she was in pain? I fed her, gave her baths, sang to her when she couldn't sleep.” Kurt's voice dropped off to a whisper and his jaw clenched painfully tight. “How dare you just take her like that? I'm in love with you, idiot. I picked you and her. I picked a life with you and you just leave me like that.” His voice trailed off into an almost defeated whimper.

“Kurt, you don't understand. I'm hurting you. I'm forcing this life on you. You deserve better than me. You deserve New York and Broadway.”

“Noah, if I asked you what I'd always dreamed of being...what would you say?”

“Kurt, don't be an asshole. We all know you want to be a star.”

“Everyone just assumed that. I did want to be a star but that was always Plan B. Before I even knew I could sing I had my dream life picked out. At thirteen, I decided what I wanted my life to be. I was going to be a good father, a good husband. I was going to be in love with a fantastic man and I was going to be a teacher. See, fuckhead, the only thing missing on that list is a teaching degree. Being the first openly gay teacher at William McKinley. Can you think of a bigger star than that? You gave me everything else already. When you see the best life you can for yourself, am I a part of it? Because if I'm not I'll leave you alone. But you have to tell me to my face, I'm not who you want.”

“I can't, Kurt. You're all I've ever seen. I thought I was doing what was right for you.”

“You really think this is what's best for me?”

Kurt ripped off his sunglasses and winced at the harsh light. Puck gasped when he sees Kurt's face. His eyes were swollen and he looked like he's been punched in the face. Puck knows from experience that only happens when you spend the entire night sobbing into your pillow. He can't even count the number of times he had to manufacture epic fights to explain away the evidence of his own.

“Oh my god, I fucked up. I'm so sorry. Fuck, what can I do to make this up to you?”

“You can get our daughter and come home.”

Puck just nodded and Kurt waited in the Navigator for the both of them. He followed behind Puck's pickup and watched from the driver's seat as the pair walk into the front door.

Puck was downstairs with Ava when Kurt finally came back into the house. The silence that hung between them choked Puck and he croaked out another I'm Sorry. Kurt just pushed him hard into the wall by the bathroom.

He kissed Puck like he never thought he'd get the chance again and left Puck's bottom lip slightly bloody. Kurt's breath was harsh and his chest hit Puck's with every exhalation.

“Will you ever do that again?”

“No. I promise. Never ever.”

“Good. You're forgiven. Now go get the rest of Ava's things. She needs to eat soon.”

Puck smiled as he headed up the stairs and Kurt could feel the moment his life shifted back into the right place. He picked up Ava and hugged her hard to his chest.

When Puck made it back down, Kurt was asleep on the rumpled sheets. Ava's head was resting against his clavicle. Her small body rising with each of Kurt's breaths. Her tiny mouth was open and her lips were brushing Kurt's soft skin as she slept. Puck looked at them together and wondered just how much stupid Kurt was willing to forgive him for. Because almost losing this was one of the most epic fuck-ups of his entire life.

He wanted to tell Kurt just how sorry he is. How horrible that night alone was. How glad he was Kurt didn't take no for an answer. Instead he just crawled in next to them and draped a protective arm around his family.

He spent the next three hours watching them sleep and thinking of all the ways he's going to make it up to Kurt. The list was pretty long. So long that it might take a lifetime to fulfill them all. But he thought that might be okay. Because he had a one to spare.

**

2024

Kurt was pulled from his memories as the small, five year old squirmed on his lap.

“Malcolm, calm down. Ava's almost done singing. Then we're going to get ice cream.”

The boy in his arms automatically stilled, and Kurt threw a glance at Puck. The bastard was smirking and pretending to busy himself fixing the hem of Jayne's dress.

Malcolm and Jayne. A true testament to Kurt's love of Firefly that started in college and quickly managed to infect the entire Hummel-Puckerman household. Jayne was originally going to be Kaylee before Finn and Mercedes scooped him by having a daughter first. Mercedes was next to him and gave him an impressed look as Ava hit the high note of her song. Beside her, Finn was holding the video camera and throwing him a thumbs up.

Of course his girl gets a standing ovation, and they have to spend twenty minutes standing by the stage door before Lima's brightest new star came barreling down the stairs. Noah has both of the little ones tucked under both his arms and Ava jumped into Kurt's arms, locking her ankles behind his back.

“What did ya think, Mommy? I tore that place up, huh?”

“First of all, don't call me that in front of the others. We just broke baby Jayne of that habit. I know you taught her that little trick. Second of all, you were fabulous. But that's a given. You're a Puckerman. We're born to be stars.”

Ava pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before jumping down and running across the parking lot towards the car.

Kurt strolled leisurely behind them. Watching Noah in his blue paramedics uniform, two squirming kids at his side and one girl with a beaming smile bouncing on the balls of her feet. Looking back, he's proud of who he's become.

They might not be the kind of stars Mr. Schue always talked about them becoming. Their names weren't really known outside of Lima and when they're gone he doesn't think there will be more than a brief mention in the Obituary section of the newspaper. He shakes his head softly at the narrow-minded versions of how people define stars.

The look Malcolm gave Noah after he taught him how to throw a baseball for the first time. The look Jayne gave Kurt when he was singing her to sleep. The smile Ava would give them both when she caught them kissing in the kitchen before they left for work. That's what made them stars.

Sure they might not be the kind of stars that people always dreamed they would become. But that was more than okay.

Looking at his family, Kurt knew for sure.

This was better.

**


End file.
